Nnu Ego, a Woman Who Did Everything Right

Buchi Emecheta "The Joys of Motherhood".

Go to school. Get high grades. Go to university. Find a good job. Start a company. Find a partner. Have kids. Take out a mortgage. Don’t forget to save for your retirement. Sleep well. Eat well. Exercise. Meditate. Maintain friendships. Nurture a hobby.

After doing all this, can you still imagine yourself dying alone on the side of the road?

That is exactly what happens to Nnu Ego

She did everything right. She followed all Ibo traditions. She worked, she moved, she married, she had children, she raised them. And yet she died like a vagabond - alone, powerless, anonymous, forgotten by her own children.

Nnu Ego is hyper-responsible, driven by an uncompromising sense of duty and care. She carries the full weight of social expectations placed on women without complaint, without tears - silently, relentlessly. She is not the kind of woman who waits for money to arrive at her doorstep. She gets up, ties her baby to her back, and goes out to earn it. She returns home to cook, clean, serve her husband, raise her children, and absorb additional family members without question.

She works like a horse. She never stops. She is perpetually exhausted. The reader feels that exhaustion and wants to beg her to rest. But how can she stop when her children need food and medicine, when the colonial state removes her husband without a note?

And yet, do we judge her?

Yes. Again and again, the reader feels the urge to say: Come on, Nnu Ego. How could you miss the wind of change? Why didn’t you adapt? Did you really need so many children?

We judge her for not noticing that the world has shifted. That her husband is an idiot. That Lagos is not a village where everyone belongs to everyone else. She keeps pushing forward like a bull, and we judge her for that stubbornness.

But do we have the right?

Nnu Ego is not chasing fulfillment or self-actualisation. She is standing on a runway and the only destination is survival. And she does the best she can. No, she does not “sense the wind of change” because she is too busy surviving.

She works relentlessly. She lives the only way she was taught, the only way she knew was possible. She is a good mother, a decent wife and neighbor. She is even a loyal and supportive first wife.

She should not have died the way she did. She did everything right. She gave her best ... and giving your best should be enough.

Human evolution unfolds over millions of years, allowing species to adapt biologically and socially across generations. How, then, do we expect a single human being to adjust to seismic social, economic, and moral changes within one lifetime?

It is not Nnu Ego’s fault that the speed of life exploded in the 20th century and no longer fits the limits of human endurance. No one can keep up. Animals don’t know where to hide. Humans pretend they are in control by consuming protein powders and wellness hacks that are approved today, labeled carcinogenic tomorrow. What then? A new powder? Until that one, too, becomes dangerous?

When do we stop blaming individuals for systemic failure?

Colonialism and capitalism have stolen countless lives, not always through bombs or bullets, but through slow, invisible violence.

States collapsing and disappearing from the map leave countless Nnu Egos in poverty during their most vulnerable senior years, erasing promised and guaranteed retirement packages along with the lifelong medals earned in service to those very states.

We mourn those killed in airstrikes and terrorist attacks, yet ignore the silent corporate killers that poison bodies, fracture communities, and push people like Nnu Ego to the edge. No single Nnu Ego could ever fight forces like these.

So what do we learn from her?

Perhaps nothing, if we insist on believing the lie that obedience guarantees safety, and that today’s protein powder will somehow deliver a happy life at 80.

But if you still think you have a chance, then go ahead:

Go to school -> Get high grades -> Go to university -> Find a good job ->

Start a company -> Find a partner ->Have kids ->Take out a mortgage ->

Save for retirement -> Sense the wind of change -> Scrap all you’ve done ->

Learn new rules -> Follow all the new rules -> Hope they’re the right ones.

And maybe, just maybe, you won’t die alone on the pavement.